You made a choice... I love it !!

You're the most beautiful thing that has happened to me in forever. You should know that. You're the reason I picked myself back up and got on with things in my life. You're the reason I wake up to see the morning sun everyday. You're the reason I want to do better things in my life now. you're the reason I smile.

If only I were to return your favours ever, they would be in roses and chocolates and smiles and most surely my heart. Never could I dream of letting a tear drop your eye because me or be the reason for your gloom. So trust me and don't be scared. Take a deep breath and let the past go.

Enjoy the new fresh air of the newly bloomed roses because Summer is here. Days of gloom are over and there's only happiness in your life. You'll get it because that's indeed what you deserve. Most importantly I want to be the one giving it to you!

So give me that chance, let go of your fears

Jump High and Take The Next Shot :*

Hello to you too, Summer.

Whatever happens, happens for good.

I just have a stronger to reason to believe in this statement more strongly than ever.

All seemed sad and life was in gloom
While a hidden flower was yet to bloom
it was waiting for a right time
never speaking a word, forever in mime

The sun didn't smile enough
neither did the moon shine.
Or probably the moon did,
but it was for someone else all this time

Gloomy days passed and so did winter
until i found the hidden flower
the flower was as pretty as spring
and  was the perfect way to welcome summer

Winter is gone for now
and summer prevails
gone are the layers of hiding
and the skin can now be exposed

I know it will be back
But i will be ready for it
with summer by my side
because winter was my past
This summer is my present

MADY

It's funny how we can actually relate TV shows with our lives. It's as if the TV show was made for our life and to make us realise how much drama our lives actually have. For me it started with the Vampire Diaries in 2011, the Originals in 2014 and Awkward in 2015. Thanks to all the amazing friends who encourage me and get me hooked up to TV shows. :P

Something that happened yesterday just keeps ringing in my head and I must write it down to let it out. 

This is a story of 4 people - M, A, D and Y

Y liked M and D liked A. 

M and Y never dated because M was a bummer and Y a hopeless romantic

A was a bitch to D, she screwed up their relationship and eventually broke up with D. 

M and D are best friends while Y and A don't even talk to each other.

A gets closer to M while A is dating D. Y doesn't like it, neither does D. 

Y and D haven't ever spoken to each other before. 

M started ignoring Y and started spending hours and hours with A. 

A started ignoring D while they were dating and started spending time with M. 

D is really affected but doesn't say anything because he still likes A and M is his best friend. 

Y attempts to talk to D to ask about M, she is heartbroken too. 

Turns out Y and D have a lot more in common than they think they do. 

While A and M are still on their roll, Y and D get closer. 

D is sure, unlike Y, that A and M will never date because they aren't into each other.

D and Y are getting closer by the day. 

D and Y don't "like" each other.

They're just happy in each other's company. 

They both are going through the same thing, hence they understand. 

M and A both react to Y and D getting closer. 

They taunt D. D is confused, yet clear that he doesn't want them to dictate his life. 

Y is just furious and wants to confront M and A, but doesn't. She's scared of the reciprocation of D.

Y doesn't want to do anything stupid to lose D as a friend right now. 

Basically, DRAMA. 

Trust me. 

I'm Y. 

The Red Letter

I started talking to this certain person when I was a damsel in distress. He helped and was sweet. Is sweet yet. Such are times when you start believing in fate. If things are at their worst, they only get better.

Somehow both of us are facing the same problems and since we cant do anything about it, we just joke about it and laugh it off. occasionally teasing each other about it. It all started with a cute letter in a sweet red envelope randomly handed over by him to me. I still remember how he ran away the moment I asked him what it was. 

With some enthusiasm and a lot of curiosity, I opened the letter, to find one of the cutest poems I have read in my life. He asked me to smile more because the bad phase would pass. He made me feel good about myself. Something I'd forgotten to do for quite some time. 

It's special, that letter. More special than a certain birthday song that had been sung to me claiming I was special, while that person made me feel everything but special. This letter atleast wasn't based on fictitious claims and things he didn't mean. Or so I hope. I never managed to reply to that letter, but one day I'd like to. I don't know what's appropriate and what's not. Should I tell him how much that letter helped me? Or how much it makes me smile every time I read it? Should I tell him I think about that poem atleast once a day or every time I feel dejected and lost? Or should I just let it be? Will he think I am not reciprocating or not thankful if I don't reply at all? 

I am probably overthinking. But that's what I do best. Should I tell him how much the letter means to me and that I would kill to have a friend like him in my life. Should I tell him he should stay and be there because I want him to? Or because I need him to.

Should I say anything at all? 

Over worked

People always talk about being busy and having lots of work to do. We assume that they are either ignoring or trying to get themselves out of things they don't particularly want to do.

Well, one thing I have learnt after coming to college is that being BUSY can actually be a reality. At least for me, it is. It's not that the workload is too much or we have a lot of assignments or a lot on our plate for that matter. It's just the fact that we live in a social community where every one is more or less our age.

One can only imagine how messed up that can get. Imagine a 18 year old telling another 18 year old what to do. Or a 19 year old having a say in how all other 19 year olds will live in their dorm rooms. That's exactly what happens in college. And we need time to deal with these things.

I've always been a hyper active child and doing only one thing has never satisfied me. Ever.

So I wake up in the morning at around 10 or 11 am and check my phone for all the updates of what happened in my world while I was sleeping. It takes about 15-20 minutes to catch up with all the whatsapp messages, facebook statuses, snapchat stories and instagram feeds. Then, like any other normal human being, I do the daily chores. Here while I empty my abdomen off the night's  urine and shit, I fill my mind with a mental list of the things that I have to do for the day. Then, I choose what to wear and go down. Classes. Lunch. Classes. Some interaction with friends and later I go play basketball or badminton. By the time I am done, the sun has set and the moon is smiling down on me.
Dinner? No Dinner?
Depends on how my day was.
A nice hot water shower and self grooming time
A call from mom and she wants me to come on skype.

But how? I have to go meet the boy I like.

I choose.

It's mostly mom, but the boy wins sometimes too. (Hoping the other one will always understand)

I have readings then. But I still want to spend some time with the boy. But I have assignments.

I choose.

The boy it is. ALWAYS.

I'm a teenager for heaven's sake.

At 2 or 3 am I realise I need to sleep, but I have assignments to do.

I choose.

Assignment it is.

Sorry sleep.

At 5 or 6 my eyes start rebelling and they want to shut themselves.

Then I sleep.

At 10 am my alarm interrupts my beautiful dreams and the cycle goes on.


That's when I wonder, where is the time?
Trust me when I say I am busy.

Sometimes I just want to take a few days off this normal schedule. I just want to lie in bed and do nothing. I want to cuddle with a friend. Watch a few rom-coms, cry a little and just take some time off this world.

I am not busy because I have assignments, I am busy because I have a life.

This busy schedule annoys me sometimes. I want to do random things sometimes. I want solace the other times. I just feel heavily over worked. 

Catching up!

I'm in Ashoka University, Studying Liberal arts. Inclining towards Psychology and History.

Adult now.

I live in two cities now. Juggling myself between two homes and two different families.

Mumbai is where I was born and brought up and lived until 2014 August. Then I started college in Sonepat, Haryana (albeit. Delhi). I'm going to be here for three years.

This place is different. Good sometimes and bad the others. None the less, happens to be my new place of solace. A place where I can be myself (or not). I have no parental authority here and no one who knows my past.

I can reconstruct my past the way I want to. And that's what I have been doing. Not too much, but there are things that need to be buried and must never be brought back to memory and I'd prefer if these remained buried.

Life, in itself is taking a new turn. I now have a choice to be who I want to be. I can decide what I want to do with little interference from adults around me. I don't know if I like this kind of a freedom. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

Sometimes I just want to break out of this place because I sense a lack of adventure and a hint of tediousness. While the other times I just want to stay tucked in my blanket and never leave my room. I guess this is what follows a life without dad waking me up each morning or mom asking me to stop chatting on my phone or my dog staring at me while I hog up all my chocolate reserves.

Guess I'll have to live by it.

I travel back home almost once every two months. And approximately 5-6 round trips in a year. I've become bolder, independent and fearless. I travel alone in Delhi, famously criticised for being one of the most unsafe cities in the country. I talk to people I have never met before. I am much more open to facing situations than I was previously.

It probably is a change. Or this is what growing up is about.

A new beginning?

We all have phases in our lives post which we change and things are never the same again. I had a similar one about two years ago. That's when i stopped writing. I don't know why I did but I always blamed it on a certain guy, Parshav. I was in the process of rejecting him. Or probably in the processes of rejecting his rejection. I don't know.

He was a childhood best friend.  Grown up together, almost family, I took up a liking for him. Maybe we were too young or maybe I was never good enough for him. It was hell. It probably was the first rejection of my life (with many more to come).

We went to the same high school and he began dating a girl who happened to be a good friend, Siddhi. Not wanting to be a cock block, I gave way. I started telling myself I hated him and eventually began believing in it. Over two years and after a lot of conditioning, Parshav remains nothing but a mere friend. Some one I know since the last 15 years of my life.

With this, returns my inspiration to write, again! Sadly, not poetry this time. But, in the form of a journal inspired by watching a rom-com television show featuring high school drama AWKWARD.

It may be archaic, but it's time pen and paper came back together, well not exactly but you get the point.

I have a 2 year catching up to do as my brain signals a battery low; after all it hasn't produced so many words in a long time. 

A new version of life!

I had heard a lot about life in a boarding school and its pros and cons..! and i craved to experience it atleast once in my life.. my brother went to live his 2-year hostel life in lonavala and that's when i realised how much you miss someone close to you, when they are not around you... you actually come to appreciate their presence and come to know their value. me and my brother bonded in this long distance relationship we had meeting only for about one month a year...and rest of the time chatting via email. this is when i started craving for the sight of my brother's face. thats when i realised that a part of me goes away when i am away from a member of my family. i have five phases of me - my dad, my mom, my bro, my dog and me! the last two years....20% of me was missing...! and now as i have entered this new phase of my life i miss 80% of me!!!!

Weird much eh?

Joining a boarding school was my own choice... its like i hit an axe on my own feet..!! Yet, here i am..enjoying my "new" life here, making new friends, adjusting to differences and ofcourse missing home (mom, dad, bha and Yashveer; you guys are my home!)

Uh!! anyway, the fact that i have somehow settled here remains changed how much ever i miss anyone!

Life here isn't easy at all!! from waking up early in the morning on my own to cleaning my cupboard once a week is what my life here is.

You cant wear this!
you cant wear that!!
you cant apply mascara!!!
No facebook, no gmail!!!!
you cant eat chocolates (something i used to survive on)!!!!!
and the list continues.....

somehow, it amuses me too. as in i could never expect myself to adjust in such a place with roommates from different backgrounds and of course different mentalities. Ironically, i have bestie here already!! its funny how all four of us (my room mates) started sharing our life stories since the very first night. its funny how we immediately started trusting each other...and a hell lot funnier things happened!!



as of now, its just that all of this is damn new to me and for me, its a new version of my own life!!

A NEW FRIEND!!

well, to some people this may sound stupid, but believe me if you  ever tried it you would find the ultimatum!!!!

yesterday i was just sitting idle as i had to stay at home because we have ganpati bappa at our place so the house cant remain closed and blah blah.... first i was annoyed i had to sit at home doing nothing. but eventually i met the ganesh's idol's gaze and started to stare into his eyes. i dont know what actually happened but my concentration just continued o deepen. i could feel mini jolts of electricity passing within me.
suddenly i saw some movement and i think thats what broke my concentration. the movement was so weird that it scared the guts out of me. i thought i saw ganpati bappa's TRUNK move!!!!

i was so enthralled and so awestruck that my legs denied to carry me and i could not stand up. i felt all wobbly. i dont know what was happening then but it made me match his gaze once again....and i HEARD him....i know its difficult to believe that but i actually did HEAR him.

it seems as if a conversation followed between me and the lord. it seemed so filmy and sort. i dont clearly remember what we talked but clearly it was something about me and my ongoing tufts. i dont know what i might have blabbered to him. the conversation ended with my mom ringing the bell and i actually heard myself telling him good bye and thanks for his support and the assurance that he believed in me. my mom was quite surprised to find my eyes all red! she didnt tell that me but i still figured out the cluelessness in her face. i myself was in a fix. i dont know what i talked with mom and dad later, i dont know where i slept.

but when i woke up this morning i found myself sleeping on the sofa of my hall right in front of him. when i asked mom about it she told that i was the one who insisted to be sleeping in the hall. i just sat there gawking at her. what else could i do. i felt all my problems had lightened and i seem to be getting ideas to figure our problems that have been brewing in my life for so long. was this a miracle or just my prolonged imagination which has been built because of me reading so many fiction novels??? i really hope it is a miracle because i am loving the feeling that i am getting because of it. i'll try to talk to him again and this time hopefully in my senses.

my mom had told me to try concentrating on the idol and she had said that i would find him smile at me and he would talk to me. i didn't believe her then and just chucked the idea off my mind. but now i know how wise her words had been and how true had she been. i'll be indebted to my mom like forever for getting this great feeling within me.

and just the day before he came i wished for a really good friend. that very night when my mom and dad finalized the idol that would come to my home and be with us for the next three days i just got gifted by a really great friend. Infact two....one of them is him.

ganeshji will be leaving me tomorrow evening but i am sure his spirit will remain with me in my house until he comes back next year. he will help me cross through all oceans and seas of hardship so that i can enjoy my life the way it is supposed to be. he'll bless my mom and dad so their stressful lives can be eased. i trust with all my soul!! but i'll miss him when he'll be gone.

GANPATI BAPPA MORYA!! PUDHCHA VARSHI LAUKAR YA!!

ganesh @ my place

my friend ganesha!!

this is the end!!!!

the last day of my schooling just passed by........

trust me the thought of parting is not so good!!!!

and i am surprised.....i came to know a few things...which is should hv realised long ago

1. the people with whom i never talked or wanted to belong with are NOW my best companions

2. the ones i thought were my good friends...back bitched me

3. teachers are not that bad

4. though i fought with jayashri all year...stillll we r gr8 frnds

5. maalav's the worst person i've eva meet bt fr sum ppl he's a GR8 frnd and fr 1 BOYFRND...gah!!!!

6. people are nt wt they seem to be

7. simran also loves poetry

8. nikita and simran speak funny hindi

9. i can live without friends

10. i can stay one day in school without talking to a soul

11. sports is nt evrythin

12. i can get an A* in FLE

13. maitree was never a person whom i could trust... 

14. parshav feels embarrassed about the fact that he is my brother

15. i dont like neha!! i hate her.....

16. urvashi is a good person to be with

17. karan is no better than maalav

18. sugu sir rocks

19. sherelene does not know what is good for her

20. parshva thinks he is cool....rofl

21. urvin is really intelligent...he's not a geek

22. hiral really works hard....

23. no one likes to see me happy in my class.

24. simran loves her hair

25. nikita hates coco

26. prithvi is the biggest pakau in the whole world

27. prithvi and vaibhavi are not going on

28. vaibhavi is cool....she's a good person to talk to

29. people think that i act weirdly in the school

30. suresh sir really tries hard to make the class interesting

31. i dont like chemistry

32. emily mam does smile!!!!

33. amit sir is not as strict as he looks

34. the new princi Sarah mam is damn cool

35. i am addicted to vampire diaries....

36. NES after all is not that bad

37. i'll miss vardarajan sir

38. mahalakshmi mam......hmm....wise its ok

39. I M NOT A FACEBOOK ADDICT [DANGER DARLING s ma prof nam add me if u havn't]

40. I DO WANT A DOG!!!

***phew***

i think that should be enough for someone to know about my school

 this is the end......the last step.....n there i reach...its the top....my SCHOOLING ENDS HERE....

this mountain was filled so many steep cliffs to climb and so many flat highlands to walk.....still i manged to climb it....and after ten years of hard work here i am......standing proudly near the top waving my hands with the happiness of victory in my heart......

i am yet to visit the summit of this mountain.....i'll have to climb three more months....for my final test....the test to prove myself...the test of self confidence, discipline, patience, passion and of course perfection.......

well, you must be thinking that this is the last mountain i am climbing.....you're so very wrong.....infact its the very first.....!!!!

there are many more yet to come......

and the best part of it is...that there is no looking back...............

even if i fall i'll have to get up by myself and keep going on.....there is no stopping and of course....there is no QUITTING.....

well people quote from what martin king lither said or what william shakespeare said......but me??

i told you i am different!!! 

my dad and mom have rightly quoted...." SUCCESS LIES IN GIVING EVERY ONE A FAIR CHANCE, SUCCESS LIES IN ACHIEVING EVERYTHING ETHICALLY, SUCCESS LIES IN FIGHTING BACK, SUCCESS LIES IN OVERCOMING OBSTACLES, SUCCESS LIES IN WINNING"

me....?? yes i believe it..!!!! i will succeed......not only for myself....but also to make my parents proud, my brother proud, my friends proud, and everyone, who always believed in me proud.........

well then...is this the end?????

NO..!! ITS JUST A BEND!!