I'm a Woman in the 21st Century

No I am not going to cuss out loud

I'm a girl and I'm not supposed to 

Do you think I am un-cultured?

Do you think my parents haven't taught me manners?

Of course i wont wear short shorts

So what if it's hot?

I can always use the fan

Why would i expose my legs?

You think I talk to boys?

Are you mad?

What will people think of me?

I am not a slut. 

I can't smoke a cigarette

Not because it's harmful

But because

I won't be marriageable anymore

I need to make sure I don't get raped

Because it will be my fault if I do

I will have kissed a stranger then

Arranged marriage won't be an option then

The society needs to me study

While being a good girl

Get a job and be independent

Because I need to be married off

After marriage I need not work

because the man of the family will

I need to breed kids and raise them

That's the purpose of my life.

The Spirit of the game!

What would you do if you've done something wrong and you know you've done it. You know that it's going to affect you if you admit it. Would you admit to doing it? Would you resist if someone claims to have experienced what wrong you've done?

If you were playing Ultimate Frisbee, you would admit. You would accept and you would apologise.

Sounds unreal? Well, it's true.

Over the past 6 months, I have started playing a sport I didn't even know existed until recently. It's called Ultimate Frisbee. Yes, there is a disc in the air with 7 people on each team. Boys and girls play together and guess what! - There is no referee.

This sport has won so many hearts in front of my eyes, mine being the first in my experience. There is a certain charm to this sport. A certain kind of an environment which just playing this sport builds in the community. Everyone, irrespective of their off-field personalities becomes calm, composed and an understanding person while they're handling the disc. There is massive respect for all players, regardless of their level in the game. Everyone is equal in this game and anyone can play.

On the 2nd of October, I went to Chennai to play my first Ultimate Frisbee tournament with the Delhi Frisbee team - 'Stray Dogs in Sweaters'. It was a group of sports players who had the most welcoming nature, were cooperative and were willing to help me learn. Even though they were far more skilled and experienced than I was, they never let me feel so. They welcomed me in their team and promised me that I would have fun.

The three tournament days were few of the best days I have had in my sports journey. I have played many sports tournament, but not one of them was as memorable as this one. There was no referee, we kept the time for our own matches, we kept our own scores, the two teams resolved any issues between the games by just talking. Yes, you read it right! Just talking.

I was stunned by the grounded attitude of all these players who were flying with the disc!

After every game, there was something called a spirit circle. Both the teams mixed up and sat together and fellow sports players and talked to each other. Both teams spoke about what they liked about the other team and what they could do better. Then each team picked three players they thought had played well in the game and honoured them with the title of Most Valued Player (MVP) Male/Female and Most Spirited Player (MSP). This was followed by a spirit game. This game was a small off the side mixer where both teams played together just to have fun and to get to know each other well.

My team stood runner up in the Silver Pool of the tournament. I've never seen such healthy competition in any sport. All the teams were there with competitive spirit and all of them were there to win. At the same time, they were all true to their honour, cooperative and respectful to their fellow players at all times. There was no foul language, no sour behaviour and no grudges at the end of three days. It is no surprise that this game is capturing so many hearts.

This simple sport has taught me so many lessons in the 6 months that I have been playing it. I will continue playing this sport for all my life time competitively or just for fun, that I don't know and I would love to introduce Ultimate Frisbee to everyone I knew because it has so much to teach. I have learnt to control my temper, learnt to forgive, talk about what is bothering me and let go of bad things while holding on to all the good things till the end because the Spirit of the game is what counts!

The Dilemma of Enjoying Loneliness

Enjoying being lonely is a very dangerous thing. It might sound ridiculous but after a point of time you begin to like it. You like how there is less drama in life, there are lesser things to worry about and the best part of it is that you can do whatever you want to do without the fear of 'Log kya kahenge'

I mean, first of all, no one should care about that.. however, the social-guy inside all of us does care atleast a tiny bit about what people around us think when do a certain thing. Being lonely means there are lesser people around you. Lesser the people, lesser the worries and sometimes it is so peaceful it is almost liberating.

Being lonely becomes dangerous especially when you begin liking the feeling of not having the obligation to talk to people around you. There are times we all want to just be in our own shells and enjoy our own company accompanied by our favorite soundtrack, favorite book or just the mobile phone. When you start enjoying the company of these things more than the company of living breathing human beings, that's when the dilemma comes in.

Some people might refer to it as anti-social, some people might not care. Some people will think you're under depression or 'something' happened. This is the part where it gets the most annoying. I mean why do people have to presume that something happened every time I am not smiling or I don't seem cheerful enough? Can't I not want to smile? What if I don't feel enthusiastic today? I just want to save my energy and binge eat and eat and eat until my mouth is tired of chewing.

I think college has brought me to a stage where I prefer it when there are less people around me. That doesn't mean I don't talk to people. Ofcourse I do. But I choose who I want to talk to and sometimes I still have the liberty to decide who not to talk to. I choose not to have meaningful conversations with most people because I have realized that they do not care enough for me, and they are just looking for some new gossip for entertainment. I choose the important people in my life carefully. I choose them very skeptically. Sometimes and un-choose someone I had chosen before.

I like being in control. I do not feel sad. I think it's the control freak inside who atleast wants to control my own life. And I think I like the way it is.

Because, I no more have the energy to maintain superficial friendships. If we click, we click... If we don't there is no point putting in too much effort for something that doesn't have a clear future. We'd be better off in our own separate worlds.

Yes, that's why I enjoy being lonely. Because then, when I associate with people, I know those are the friends I am making for life and those are the ones who mean something to me.

5 Reasons Why I’m Against The Mumbai Meat Ban

Very recently, leaders from BJP asked for a meat ban in some localities following some self sacrificial threats from Jain monks in Mumbai during the upcoming Jain religious festival - Paryushan.

I am a Jain, I follow Paryushan BUT I do not support the meat ban.

There are 5 reasons for it

1. People earn their daily bread by selling meat - what will they earn in these days? (Jain myth - never hurt someone else for your selfish motives)

2. My religious choices are my personal choices - this applies to people who are NOT jains as well. It is their personal choice. The Paryushan does not mean anything to people who are not Jains. Why impose some rules that mean nothing to them. These monks are just inviting criticism and skepticism to Jainism (as if there isn’t enough inside the community anyway).

3. Hell yes it’s political. The monks want to get more followers and the political leaders want more votes. The stringent and orthodox Jains who believe Jainism is THE ultimate religion are all going to be super pleased.

4. For lack of a properly formulated argument, the monks threatened to sacrifice themselves in the name of religion. For god’s sake, what is the difference between these monks and terrorists? If they threaten the population’s emotions to get their job done?

5. Lastly, why does it pain them to see meat hanging in shops only on these selected days of the year? Why create a fuss about it only for 4 days? The pain should be a continuous feature, right? The poor animals are cut and killed every single day of the year. Basically, they are trying to market the idea of ‘Paryushan’ - but hey, dear marketers - no one cares!

Such ‘stunts’ end up defaming a great religion and make it popular for idiosyncrasies created by the modern misconceptions of what Jainism (or religion for that matter) actually is!

Maybe it’s my education which liberates me from orthodoxies and my extensive reading of Jain texts which enhances my belief that Jainism isn’t only about Paryushan. Maybe it’s a surge of open mindedness and accepting of the fact that we are living a secular country which allows for the co-existance and tolerance of different religions.

I sincerely hope these religious authorities and the man behind instigating this meat ban get to read this.

Welcome to Life, Kiddo!

He dug deeper
and deeper and deeper.
'They' could see him digging,
They smirked and waited,
not very far from him.
They were going to destroy
everything he was doing

He dug deeper and deeper,
They could hear him squealing,
They knew he was happy
but they didn't care.

He dug deeper and deeper,
He ignored his mom's call.
He wanted to do it,
just the he wanted to

The distance between him and them decreased.
He dug and they came
They came and he dug
"Finally!" he yelled
That's when they arrived.

The waves filled up the kid's efforts
They filled the pit with more sand and water
He looked defeated and sad
His mom urged him to try another location with a sad smile.

Reluctantly, he went again;
a little farther this time,
and started digging again.

All I did from a little farther away
was muster a silent laugh
"Welcome to life, kiddo!" I muttered.

Dark Desires

A pair of scissors
A lock of long hair
A glistening new blade
Blood throbbing through my veins
An unused rope
A perfect loop
A dose of poison
A glass full of water

My leg on the accelerator
Alcohol in my system
Up I fly
Down I go
Death I want
Life I get

Ctrl Z - Undo

Feelings unexpressed
Tears unseen
Letter unopened
Words unsaid

Hands unheld
Legs untangled
Lips untouched
Bodies unhugged

Memories unenjoyed
Love untold
Destiny undone
Life unlived

Actions DO NOT speak louder than words!

Going against the very famous quote, I personally think that actions do not speak louder than words. Words have the power to heal, the power to flabbergast, the power to bring a smile on someone's face. Not everyone can talk, or exhibit their emotions towards a person explicitly. These people turn to words for help. And words never betray.

As an introvert myself, I have used the tool of writing to let me loved ones know how much I care for them and they matter to me. In similar instances I have received written letters and typed words that have been my support system in times of immense distress.

One such example is this blog post/letter from a dear friend of mine. It makes me smile every time I read it. It reminds me of something...something important about me and my life.

Here is a shoutout to all people who are shy and scared to say things to people they care about - dont worry, pick up your pen and paper and write all of it down. All you have to do is hand over the paper. You can choose to be anonymous if you want to. That's the beauty of writing.

And yes, Action do not speak louder than words.

Hey Y,

Some people come into our lives and barely leave a trace, others leave a string of footprints etched upon our hearts, letting us know they are with us every step we take. It sometimes feels like someone pulls rug on which we are, finding ourselves broken and unable to get back.

I want you to know that I’ proud of you. I am proud of you for taking those steps. I am proud of you for being you and working to rise the best you inside you. We might have just met but you have made a difference in my life. I believe everything happens for a reason. And you are in my life for a reason.  I am very happy to be your friend.

You deserve so much more that these typed words of gratitude. I could be writing this post forever. The only thing I want to say is to hold on to the positive moments and keep the good memories and save them for the tough moments if you are feeling down.

I hope this makes you smile because the world deserves more of your smile. You are a miracle and you are worth of friendship. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” Leave behind your past because I’m in your life now (Self dabba). You were meant to live a life of challenge and courage. All of us have taken a different road to Ashoka. And you bumped into me along the way. Now I will make sure that the road we travel from now is of kindness and joy.

A Life Changing Experience

It would be difficult they said.

You'll regret it, they exclaimed.
She was determined she wanted to do it.
She knew the odds were against her
She knew the challenges she was going to face
She was the prepared for the unexpected too.
She hugged her father outside the railway station.
Her father smiled with determined eyes because he knew his little angel could do it. 
Her mother answered all the questions society asked.
She was scared for her little princess
But deep down she knew
That her daughter would do it for sure
The girl took one final deep breath and boarded the train as she embarked on an 18 day journey
With fifteen other men. 
Most of them unknown. 

She was the youngest and the only girl.
This journey was to be a memorable one, 
because this is where she found her self worth. 
She found out how unique she is. 
She found answers to questions she didn't even know existed within her.
This wasn't her first trek in the Himalayas. 
This wasn't the first time she was on her own. 
But this was the first time there were only guys around her. 
This was the first time she was exactly how she wanted to be. 
It was a dream come true for her.

She enjoyed all the attention she wanted and all the privacy she desired. 
She got to stay alone in a tent and she was admired for her willingness to stay alone. 
She didn't see the need to hide behind her regular social façade.
She experienced the mountains like never before. 
She enjoyed the voice of the river.
She admired the beauty of nature unlike any other time.
She couldn't tell what was different the time.
Maybe it was the independence
Maybe it was the ambience
Maybe it was a new perspective.

In the end, she could look herself in the eye when she finally declared that she felt satisfied.

Friendships on The Move

Friends? What are friends? Are they people who you have Whatsapp conversations with? Are they people whose Facebook walls you spam or who you tag in every other relatable Instagram post?

We don't realise how our friends are basically virtual entities who are very different in real lives than they are in the virtual world where everything is almost picture perfect.

Call me old school, but talking to someone on whatsapp or messenger everyday and sharing what you did during the day doesn't mean that you're staying 'in touch'. An occasional phone call to catch up or a Skype session, where you are at least virtually physically present in front of the person you intend to talk to, is necessary according to me.

Because I study in a university far away from home and live on campus most of the year, most of my friends are away from me a lot of the time and my university friends are away when I am at home. Every time I meet someone in person after a few months, I feel awkward because I know I have changed a lot since we last met and probably that person has changed too.

It's a very uncomfortable feeling of meeting a stranger in a facade of a stranger each time. Each time I meet my friend Niharika, she has so many new stories to share... She has done things the old Niharika wouldn't even dream of doing. And I can't stop from asking myself this question - is this the person I was friends with? Don't get me wrong. I still love her and I will forever. It's just queer to meet new people in the same person each time.

My other friend Dishit, he's someone who I have barely met thrice. But we call ourselves best friends and I'm pretty sure we are. I can't help but wonder whether I am actually friends with him or the virtual version of him?
Would he still behave the same way if I ever were to meet him in person as often as talk to him on FaceTime or Skype. I don't know.

Another friend from college, Asees. We send each other around three sentences on a never ending conversation on Whatsapp. Yet, I know what's going on with her. But I don't feel the connection. I long to just go and hug her, like I used to do each day in college before I went to sleep. I guess I'll have to do that with my teddy bear for now. But it's just not the same.

Virtual is not real. Not for me.

I guess it's a bitter truth that nomads like me probably won't ever have that kind of a friendship when we are just together with our friends all the time and we get to meet each other every other day. Thankfully, I've been blessed with these amazing people, who I know will be there for me in spirit even though not in physic. And that's what makes me sad and happy at the same time. I guess one can't have everything at the same time. So I'd rather look at the goods and enjoy these moments just as they come to me.