Blame Game

A turban on the head 

Or a mere dupatta 

A bindi on the forehead

Or a swaminarayan teeka

A man sitting for namaz

Or a woman in the mandir

A child entering the church 

Or a Parsi in the agiyari

A hug for Eid

And crackers for Diwali

Wine on Christmas

And a bonfire for Lohri

The masked man destroyed it all 

He didn't care for identity

To him, they were just human beings

For them, he was different each time

Krishna argued it was Allah

While Jesus thought it was Buddha

Mahavir didn't have a clue 

So he just sat aside and meditated

I'm a Woman in the 21st Century

No I am not going to cuss out loud

I'm a girl and I'm not supposed to 

Do you think I am un-cultured?

Do you think my parents haven't taught me manners?

Of course i wont wear short shorts

So what if it's hot?

I can always use the fan

Why would i expose my legs?

You think I talk to boys?

Are you mad?

What will people think of me?

I am not a slut. 

I can't smoke a cigarette

Not because it's harmful

But because

I won't be marriageable anymore

I need to make sure I don't get raped

Because it will be my fault if I do

I will have kissed a stranger then

Arranged marriage won't be an option then

The society needs to me study

While being a good girl

Get a job and be independent

Because I need to be married off

After marriage I need not work

because the man of the family will

I need to breed kids and raise them

That's the purpose of my life.

The Spirit of the game!

What would you do if you've done something wrong and you know you've done it. You know that it's going to affect you if you admit it. Would you admit to doing it? Would you resist if someone claims to have experienced what wrong you've done?

If you were playing Ultimate Frisbee, you would admit. You would accept and you would apologise.

Sounds unreal? Well, it's true.

Over the past 6 months, I have started playing a sport I didn't even know existed until recently. It's called Ultimate Frisbee. Yes, there is a disc in the air with 7 people on each team. Boys and girls play together and guess what! - There is no referee.

This sport has won so many hearts in front of my eyes, mine being the first in my experience. There is a certain charm to this sport. A certain kind of an environment which just playing this sport builds in the community. Everyone, irrespective of their off-field personalities becomes calm, composed and an understanding person while they're handling the disc. There is massive respect for all players, regardless of their level in the game. Everyone is equal in this game and anyone can play.

On the 2nd of October, I went to Chennai to play my first Ultimate Frisbee tournament with the Delhi Frisbee team - 'Stray Dogs in Sweaters'. It was a group of sports players who had the most welcoming nature, were cooperative and were willing to help me learn. Even though they were far more skilled and experienced than I was, they never let me feel so. They welcomed me in their team and promised me that I would have fun.

The three tournament days were few of the best days I have had in my sports journey. I have played many sports tournament, but not one of them was as memorable as this one. There was no referee, we kept the time for our own matches, we kept our own scores, the two teams resolved any issues between the games by just talking. Yes, you read it right! Just talking.

I was stunned by the grounded attitude of all these players who were flying with the disc!

After every game, there was something called a spirit circle. Both the teams mixed up and sat together and fellow sports players and talked to each other. Both teams spoke about what they liked about the other team and what they could do better. Then each team picked three players they thought had played well in the game and honoured them with the title of Most Valued Player (MVP) Male/Female and Most Spirited Player (MSP). This was followed by a spirit game. This game was a small off the side mixer where both teams played together just to have fun and to get to know each other well.

My team stood runner up in the Silver Pool of the tournament. I've never seen such healthy competition in any sport. All the teams were there with competitive spirit and all of them were there to win. At the same time, they were all true to their honour, cooperative and respectful to their fellow players at all times. There was no foul language, no sour behaviour and no grudges at the end of three days. It is no surprise that this game is capturing so many hearts.

This simple sport has taught me so many lessons in the 6 months that I have been playing it. I will continue playing this sport for all my life time competitively or just for fun, that I don't know and I would love to introduce Ultimate Frisbee to everyone I knew because it has so much to teach. I have learnt to control my temper, learnt to forgive, talk about what is bothering me and let go of bad things while holding on to all the good things till the end because the Spirit of the game is what counts!

The Dilemma of Enjoying Loneliness

Enjoying being lonely is a very dangerous thing. It might sound ridiculous but after a point of time you begin to like it. You like how there is less drama in life, there are lesser things to worry about and the best part of it is that you can do whatever you want to do without the fear of 'Log kya kahenge'

I mean, first of all, no one should care about that.. however, the social-guy inside all of us does care atleast a tiny bit about what people around us think when do a certain thing. Being lonely means there are lesser people around you. Lesser the people, lesser the worries and sometimes it is so peaceful it is almost liberating.

Being lonely becomes dangerous especially when you begin liking the feeling of not having the obligation to talk to people around you. There are times we all want to just be in our own shells and enjoy our own company accompanied by our favorite soundtrack, favorite book or just the mobile phone. When you start enjoying the company of these things more than the company of living breathing human beings, that's when the dilemma comes in.

Some people might refer to it as anti-social, some people might not care. Some people will think you're under depression or 'something' happened. This is the part where it gets the most annoying. I mean why do people have to presume that something happened every time I am not smiling or I don't seem cheerful enough? Can't I not want to smile? What if I don't feel enthusiastic today? I just want to save my energy and binge eat and eat and eat until my mouth is tired of chewing.

I think college has brought me to a stage where I prefer it when there are less people around me. That doesn't mean I don't talk to people. Ofcourse I do. But I choose who I want to talk to and sometimes I still have the liberty to decide who not to talk to. I choose not to have meaningful conversations with most people because I have realized that they do not care enough for me, and they are just looking for some new gossip for entertainment. I choose the important people in my life carefully. I choose them very skeptically. Sometimes and un-choose someone I had chosen before.

I like being in control. I do not feel sad. I think it's the control freak inside who atleast wants to control my own life. And I think I like the way it is.

Because, I no more have the energy to maintain superficial friendships. If we click, we click... If we don't there is no point putting in too much effort for something that doesn't have a clear future. We'd be better off in our own separate worlds.

Yes, that's why I enjoy being lonely. Because then, when I associate with people, I know those are the friends I am making for life and those are the ones who mean something to me.

5 Reasons Why I’m Against The Mumbai Meat Ban

Very recently, leaders from BJP asked for a meat ban in some localities following some self sacrificial threats from Jain monks in Mumbai during the upcoming Jain religious festival - Paryushan.

I am a Jain, I follow Paryushan BUT I do not support the meat ban.

There are 5 reasons for it

1. People earn their daily bread by selling meat - what will they earn in these days? (Jain myth - never hurt someone else for your selfish motives)

2. My religious choices are my personal choices - this applies to people who are NOT jains as well. It is their personal choice. The Paryushan does not mean anything to people who are not Jains. Why impose some rules that mean nothing to them. These monks are just inviting criticism and skepticism to Jainism (as if there isn’t enough inside the community anyway).

3. Hell yes it’s political. The monks want to get more followers and the political leaders want more votes. The stringent and orthodox Jains who believe Jainism is THE ultimate religion are all going to be super pleased.

4. For lack of a properly formulated argument, the monks threatened to sacrifice themselves in the name of religion. For god’s sake, what is the difference between these monks and terrorists? If they threaten the population’s emotions to get their job done?

5. Lastly, why does it pain them to see meat hanging in shops only on these selected days of the year? Why create a fuss about it only for 4 days? The pain should be a continuous feature, right? The poor animals are cut and killed every single day of the year. Basically, they are trying to market the idea of ‘Paryushan’ - but hey, dear marketers - no one cares!

Such ‘stunts’ end up defaming a great religion and make it popular for idiosyncrasies created by the modern misconceptions of what Jainism (or religion for that matter) actually is!

Maybe it’s my education which liberates me from orthodoxies and my extensive reading of Jain texts which enhances my belief that Jainism isn’t only about Paryushan. Maybe it’s a surge of open mindedness and accepting of the fact that we are living a secular country which allows for the co-existance and tolerance of different religions.

I sincerely hope these religious authorities and the man behind instigating this meat ban get to read this.

Welcome to Life, Kiddo!

He dug deeper
and deeper and deeper.
'They' could see him digging,
They smirked and waited,
not very far from him.
They were going to destroy
everything he was doing

He dug deeper and deeper,
They could hear him squealing,
They knew he was happy
but they didn't care.

He dug deeper and deeper,
He ignored his mom's call.
He wanted to do it,
just the he wanted to

The distance between him and them decreased.
He dug and they came
They came and he dug
"Finally!" he yelled
That's when they arrived.

The waves filled up the kid's efforts
They filled the pit with more sand and water
He looked defeated and sad
His mom urged him to try another location with a sad smile.

Reluctantly, he went again;
a little farther this time,
and started digging again.

All I did from a little farther away
was muster a silent laugh
"Welcome to life, kiddo!" I muttered.

Dark Desires

A pair of scissors
A lock of long hair
A glistening new blade
Blood throbbing through my veins
An unused rope
A perfect loop
A dose of poison
A glass full of water

My leg on the accelerator
Alcohol in my system
Up I fly
Down I go
Death I want
Life I get

Ctrl Z - Undo

Feelings unexpressed
Tears unseen
Letter unopened
Words unsaid

Hands unheld
Legs untangled
Lips untouched
Bodies unhugged

Memories unenjoyed
Love untold
Destiny undone
Life unlived

Actions DO NOT speak louder than words!

Going against the very famous quote, I personally think that actions do not speak louder than words. Words have the power to heal, the power to flabbergast, the power to bring a smile on someone's face. Not everyone can talk, or exhibit their emotions towards a person explicitly. These people turn to words for help. And words never betray.

As an introvert myself, I have used the tool of writing to let me loved ones know how much I care for them and they matter to me. In similar instances I have received written letters and typed words that have been my support system in times of immense distress.

One such example is this blog post/letter from a dear friend of mine. It makes me smile every time I read it. It reminds me of something...something important about me and my life.

Here is a shoutout to all people who are shy and scared to say things to people they care about - dont worry, pick up your pen and paper and write all of it down. All you have to do is hand over the paper. You can choose to be anonymous if you want to. That's the beauty of writing.

And yes, Action do not speak louder than words.

Hey Y,

Some people come into our lives and barely leave a trace, others leave a string of footprints etched upon our hearts, letting us know they are with us every step we take. It sometimes feels like someone pulls rug on which we are, finding ourselves broken and unable to get back.

I want you to know that I’ proud of you. I am proud of you for taking those steps. I am proud of you for being you and working to rise the best you inside you. We might have just met but you have made a difference in my life. I believe everything happens for a reason. And you are in my life for a reason.  I am very happy to be your friend.

You deserve so much more that these typed words of gratitude. I could be writing this post forever. The only thing I want to say is to hold on to the positive moments and keep the good memories and save them for the tough moments if you are feeling down.

I hope this makes you smile because the world deserves more of your smile. You are a miracle and you are worth of friendship. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” Leave behind your past because I’m in your life now (Self dabba). You were meant to live a life of challenge and courage. All of us have taken a different road to Ashoka. And you bumped into me along the way. Now I will make sure that the road we travel from now is of kindness and joy.

A Life Changing Experience

It would be difficult they said.

You'll regret it, they exclaimed.
She was determined she wanted to do it.
She knew the odds were against her
She knew the challenges she was going to face
She was the prepared for the unexpected too.
She hugged her father outside the railway station.
Her father smiled with determined eyes because he knew his little angel could do it. 
Her mother answered all the questions society asked.
She was scared for her little princess
But deep down she knew
That her daughter would do it for sure
The girl took one final deep breath and boarded the train as she embarked on an 18 day journey
With fifteen other men. 
Most of them unknown. 

She was the youngest and the only girl.
This journey was to be a memorable one, 
because this is where she found her self worth. 
She found out how unique she is. 
She found answers to questions she didn't even know existed within her.
This wasn't her first trek in the Himalayas. 
This wasn't the first time she was on her own. 
But this was the first time there were only guys around her. 
This was the first time she was exactly how she wanted to be. 
It was a dream come true for her.

She enjoyed all the attention she wanted and all the privacy she desired. 
She got to stay alone in a tent and she was admired for her willingness to stay alone. 
She didn't see the need to hide behind her regular social façade.
She experienced the mountains like never before. 
She enjoyed the voice of the river.
She admired the beauty of nature unlike any other time.
She couldn't tell what was different the time.
Maybe it was the independence
Maybe it was the ambience
Maybe it was a new perspective.

In the end, she could look herself in the eye when she finally declared that she felt satisfied.

Friendships on The Move

Friends? What are friends? Are they people who you have Whatsapp conversations with? Are they people whose Facebook walls you spam or who you tag in every other relatable Instagram post?

We don't realise how our friends are basically virtual entities who are very different in real lives than they are in the virtual world where everything is almost picture perfect.

Call me old school, but talking to someone on whatsapp or messenger everyday and sharing what you did during the day doesn't mean that you're staying 'in touch'. An occasional phone call to catch up or a Skype session, where you are at least virtually physically present in front of the person you intend to talk to, is necessary according to me.

Because I study in a university far away from home and live on campus most of the year, most of my friends are away from me a lot of the time and my university friends are away when I am at home. Every time I meet someone in person after a few months, I feel awkward because I know I have changed a lot since we last met and probably that person has changed too.

It's a very uncomfortable feeling of meeting a stranger in a facade of a stranger each time. Each time I meet my friend Niharika, she has so many new stories to share... She has done things the old Niharika wouldn't even dream of doing. And I can't stop from asking myself this question - is this the person I was friends with? Don't get me wrong. I still love her and I will forever. It's just queer to meet new people in the same person each time.

My other friend Dishit, he's someone who I have barely met thrice. But we call ourselves best friends and I'm pretty sure we are. I can't help but wonder whether I am actually friends with him or the virtual version of him?
Would he still behave the same way if I ever were to meet him in person as often as talk to him on FaceTime or Skype. I don't know.

Another friend from college, Asees. We send each other around three sentences on a never ending conversation on Whatsapp. Yet, I know what's going on with her. But I don't feel the connection. I long to just go and hug her, like I used to do each day in college before I went to sleep. I guess I'll have to do that with my teddy bear for now. But it's just not the same.

Virtual is not real. Not for me.

I guess it's a bitter truth that nomads like me probably won't ever have that kind of a friendship when we are just together with our friends all the time and we get to meet each other every other day. Thankfully, I've been blessed with these amazing people, who I know will be there for me in spirit even though not in physic. And that's what makes me sad and happy at the same time. I guess one can't have everything at the same time. So I'd rather look at the goods and enjoy these moments just as they come to me.

I Left A Part of Me Behind...

It's only natural that we get attached to a certain place after living there for almost a year. Having to clear out what was 'my' home for the past year at Ashoka has left me with mixed feelings. On one hand, I am really happy to go back home and I look forward to a great holidays with family and friends. On the other hand,  I feel incredibly sad because I know I am not going to be in Ashoka- in MY room for the next three months.

Room number - 315

It was just an ordinary room when I first entered on 20th August 2014 and in less than a month, it had become my room. My place of solace, the place where went to sleep all night. That room has seen all my phases over the last year- it has seen me happy and cheerful, it has seen me cry over guys and other random things, it has seen me grow into a better person over the year. It has seen me work hard for my courses and it has been my hide out when I didn't want to interact with any human. So, for me- it is more than an ordinary room. It was my partner. It feel like that room was full of life, it cheered me up when I was sad, motivated me and made sure that I kept myself level headed at all times.

Having to empty the place left me thinking- was college going to be the same three months later when we come back for year 2? My batch mates are going to be the same and so am I. But my home is going to change. My personal place is going to shift to another tiny room in Ashoka. And for another year, that tiny place will become my favourite place.

I guess life has its nomadic phases where one doesn't settle in one place. Maybe I like it maybe I don't. This has by far been the fifth 'home' I have had in my life. Yes, these senses of attachment are not the same for all of them, all of them have their own goods and bads. It is only wise that I overlook the bads and cherish the goods of my home and wait as another tiny room will become a part of me over the next year.

With this tiny room gone, lot of my stories are gone too- bits of me will be forgotten. Stories I never narrated and feelings I never shared. Only my room and I know it. It's going to be a fresh start start next semester and I look forward to it as I wave good bye to yet another tiny part of me.

Ignorance and Happy Endings are Bliss !!

Sometimes your deepest fears become your best friends. What you were running away from, all your life, just happens to be the most amazing thing you have now! That is when you know that you are truly experimenting with yourself and that you are taking all your chances. 

I never thought this amount of introspection could lead to a much better personal experience for me.. atleast in this place. Surprisingly, the results have been better... much better. It is so much better to not have to worry about what someone else is thinking right now, or what someone is doing, are they mad, are they sad etc etc etc... 

It is good to be my own centre of attraction for once. And I am loving every ounce of attention I give myself. I pamper myself with food I like, watch the movies I love, play the sports I want to and mainly I follow my heart. I do what I want to do and not what I am expected to !! The last week has been amazing! I think it was about time I gave everything a chill pill and just casually went with the flow... 

Things are so much easier and clearer when I am not over thinking and wasting my energy in disliking people. Partly, a reason for my happiness is also the fact that I will be going home in 4 days and tomorrow is The Originals' Season 2 Finale :P but otherwise, the whole of last week has exactly been how I wanted it to be. I only talk to people when I want to or when they need me (which is not quite often, and I am happy about that). I leave my room only when necessary and I have almost finished packing. 

It's been an amazing end to my not-so-good semester at Ashoka. Following a good start, a crappy two months in between and an amazing week of being with myself, I am about to conclude year 1 of college. I am really happy about it. 

I am looking forward to an action packed summer... with no alcohol :P lots of physical activity and mainly, I am looking forward to visiting London and meeting a lot of new people at Cambridge.. who knows what awaits there :D 

For now, it's a happy ending to year 1 at Ashoka University and I couldn't have been more proud of myself. Only I know what I have gone through and what I have sustained. This year has just taught me that I am much stronger than I assumed myself to be and that I am the most important person in my life. I have learnt to accept myself better and love myself even more freely than before. Finally, I am really proud of myself :)

High on Life

Have you ever pretended to be something you're not not?

Many of us will say no in front of other people but deep down, in our hearts we know it is true and that there have been countless events when we have lied about being happy when we've been dying inside or pretended to be sad when nothing really happened... Or other emotions masked by a layer of artificial ones.

I'd say these are our coping mechanisms when we want to avoid unwanted communication. And believe me, there are times when you just want to be with nobody but yourself for days.

So how is this different from when we are under the influence of alcohol. I smile, laugh and dance like there's no tomorrow whenever i'm even a tiny bit tipsy because alcohol takes me to a better place. Where all my problems seem little and there is nothing more important than 'me'.

It's a place where everything is like a dream - a perfect dream of a perfect life.

It's not like we can be under the influence of alcohol 24*7 and I wouldn't even want to be... So now that I wonder, why can't I simulate such thoughts in their originality when I am completely sober and in all my senses.

Another part of me tells me it's not right to believe in things that are not true. But then what if this is the truth and I have been ignoring it all this time? What if I am actually really happy all by myself and the things I do everyday... What if all this strife is just a perceived reality and is really non-existent? What if I genuinely get happy vibes every time I go and tire myself out in the open playing some sport? What if my true happiness lies in the dance studio and at the sound of my Ghungroos? What if my real emotions act out only when I watch Pokemon and dream about having a companion like Pikachu? What if all I want to is study, play, dance and be with myself all day with bare minimum contact with other people?

What if this is exactly how I am? What if this is who I am?

I tell the other me to atleast give it a chance and try this version of reality atleast once. Some hesitation, but I agree with myself and I am ready now.. ready to give things another chance, but in my way.

People can't make a difference in my life if they barely exist for me. People can't hurt me if I don't let them.

So I take the step, and drink the tonic. The tonic of who I am and who I want to be.

It's time I get HIGH ON LIFE. 

Give Up

There comes a point in our lives where you don't know what's happening around. Everything seems like a big blur, you don't know what's right and wrong. You don't know who your friends are, who really cares for you and who doesn't. You eye everyone around you with a doubting gaze because you aren't sure anymore if they ever considered you worthy of a friend or not.

Yes you feel guilty about doubting people but then you need to realize that it's because of them you are in a position like this.

We all have different dimensions in our lives... family is separate and friends are. Family, as they say, is and always will be there for you because you are bound by blood. The individual's aspiration is that they find friends who will also be there.

I feel like I have failed in the latter dimension. It's probably me... because so many people can not be bad or incorrect when they chose not to maintain their relationships with me. I hoped of finding new people, ones like me.. but I guess, no one is like me.

I don't know if that is a good thing or not. As much as I'd like to stand out, I'd also like to be with a bunch of people who enjoy my company and are willing to spend at least some time with me.

People around me these days.. it just feels like they unwillingly spend time with me. It's like they are under an obligation. Till when will these obligations go on anyway? And every time you ask them the reason for such cold behaviour - all they have to say is that 'nothing happened...you are over thinking'.

Well, why can't people just say upfront that they don't wish to spend time or talk anymore. Every thing would be so much more easier. Why do people say that they will meet you and after you've waited till 2 am in the morning, they make you wait some more, then come only to tell you that they have work and so they are going to go off with someone else now.

Yes, the truth might hurt a little, but atleast in the long term the expectations wouldn't rise and when they don't rise, they wouldn't hurt.

I don't understand why people don't understand the simplicity of conversation and communication. Why can't we just sit and have a normal conversation about how our day was and how beautiful the weather outside is. Why do you have to worry about the fact that your almost girlfriend or whatever she is will spot you with me and have a problem. And if she does.. you're in for a crazy mess mister.

Why do people choose some people over the other all of a sudden? Just because you made a new friend or someone moved into your room doesn't mean you should forget your old friend and ignore them. Just because you have a boyfriend who has fucked up perceptions about emotions, life and other normal things in general doesn't mean you should listen to everything he says and ignore someone you called your best friend.

All of these things may seem small but imagine all of them acting out on person at the same time by 4-5 different people.

How does one deal with a best friend far away, continents apart. All he can do is console me on skype. Others who live with me are all acting up in ways I can't comprehend - making me doubt my role in their lives.. does it even exist? did it ever exist?

The only option I have left is to give up. Give up this quest of hoping to find friends that could be of more worth than family ever has been. To learn the art of being happy by myself. Indulge myself into the world of books and movies and stories... coz atleast they won't abandon me like this. To find pleasure in the company of my own self or create another self perhaps.

I GIVE UP. 

An Angel in Tears

As wrong and heartbreaking as it sounds, Angels cry too... I saw one do so today morning. 

My mom 

What is it that makes mothers so emotional? Is it the love? Is it the care? The maternal instincts? 

But my dad loves me as much too... Does that mean he cries too? But I have seen him cry seldom. 

Why is it that she cries everytime I have to go? Considering that it is now a mere routine in our lives. I've been away from home for almost three years now and she still cries like it is my first time. 

Is she scared? Is she worried? 

But about what? I am a grown woman now... She knows I can take care of myself. She knows it pretty well and she agrees with it too. So then why is it that she cries? 

What triggers in her system everytime her or I have to leave? Is understanding women that difficult? But I am a woman too... And I don't cry with every goodbye. 

But I cry at the sight of her crying. Because she is my angel and angels shouldn't cry. 

Small things make a big difference...

Sometimes very small gestures make huge differences!

5 minutes ago I got a phone call from a friend of mine, Rehan, who lives just a building away from me.
Yes, we live on the same campus, just different buildings.

The call was absolutely random but it made me smile. He called me because he read a comment from LOTR and he said he thought about me (well, we had been discussing Sam and Frodo's friendship in the movie earlier)

In our times, where whatsapp is the most convenient way of communication with each other, a small phone call like this gave me immense happiness. The tiny effort made a huge difference and we just ended up talking for the next 20 minutes.

Who would have thought... we don't get that much time in the day to spend together because of our different schedules and different friend circles. But hey! No excuses!

These 20 minutes just happen to be the highlight of my otherwise low day. A quick chat about what's happening in our lives... my longing to go home, his longing to just escape everything and watch a movie instead, my countdown, LOTR, Pokemon, drama and a song he made me listen to.

These may seem the most random things ever to an outsider but these small little things made a difference. A difference enough to bring a huge smile on my face...

I was overwhelmed at a phone call like this, but have I been doing this with my friends too? Have I been making an effort, however small, to make sure my friends know that I am thinking about them?

Well not really.. how will they know that I miss them until I don't tell them I do. How would I have known Rehan thought about me when he read that comment if he hadn't called?

I guess these are the small things that make the huge impact and let our loved ones know that we care for them and we think about them often!

Thanks Rehan :D

Lord of the Rings - My Definition of Friendship

I think this was one of the few life changing movies I have seen in my life. Yes,  I hadn't seen this movie until very recently and I ask myself why. I wish I had seen it earlier.

This movie highlights a few distinct kinds of bonds that won my heart over and over again as tears dropped down my eyes every time I saw them acting up.

Legolas and Gimli - They are the reason I had the only laughs in the movie. Both cute and adorable, these both portray a very sweet affection and bonding for each other as the movies progress. Counting how many orcs they killed, cracking elf vs dwarf jokes and being there for each other each time. What moved me most about this duo is the last movie where all of them are surrounded by orcs just outside Mordor and their death seems just minutes away.

Gimli - I never thought I would die fighting beside an elf!
Legolas - How about beside a friend?
Gimli - Eh! That should do!

One could see the kind of relationship they develop along the course of them movie and these lines just got tears to my eyes.

Merry and Pippin -  These are the cutest pair in the three movies and the most notorious ones as well. Their mischief is what makes them who they are. Frankly, it surprises me when they are left alone in the forest with the tree shepherd and they manage to convince him and all the other trees to join the war. It was very unlikely of their character, but for that they expressed the loyalty of their friendship for Frodo, Sam and Boromir. In the last movie, after the war when Pippin is lying on the floor and Merry comes to find him:

Pippin - I knew you'd find me...
Merry - Of course I would
Pippin - You're not leaving again, are you?
Merry - I'm here to get you, to look after you and I am not going anywhere

Now that's the kind of friends we all need in our lives

Frodo and Sam - Need I say more? Well, in my opinion, this was an overly dominated friendship. I mean we all could see that Sam was the better one in this. Not to forget that Frodo bore the burden of the evil ring but still. Frodo would have reached no where without Sam by his side.
Note that Sam refused the possession of the ring too and chose his loyalty towards Frodo over it. Doesn't that say something about Sam too? Even Gandalf was scared to keep the ring for himself because he was scared that he would not be able to resist himself. Sam kept the ring when he thought Frodo was dead but had the will to return it to Frodo.

For me, Sam is the hero in the story. Frodo succeeded because Sam was by his side. Sam was misunderstood, went hungry, suffered more than Frodo and all of this was just for Frodo. Because he had promised to be by Frodo's side.

Lord of The Rings is much more than just a work of fiction for me. It's talking about the nature of relationships we share with people around us. The kind of trust we should have for people who are not like us but yet care for us. It teaches us the power of loyalty, care and love. It shows us that alone, we can not do much but with friends by our side, even the toughest enemy can be discarded.

Lord of The Rings gives me a new perspective to friendships and other relationships I share with the different people in my life. It makes me want to strive more and become the very people I admired in this story.

It indeed was a mind refreshing and introspective experience. 

To The Moon and Back

Two years ago in a wave of confusions and misunderstandings I made a friend so close that I cannot imagine life without him anymore. He's as protective as an elder brother, as immature as a kid, as annoying as a younger sibling and as loving as no one has ever been. I forget all my worries when I talk to him. I don't meet him in person... well he is in the USA but Skype makes it easier for us. We struggle through time differences but we manage to get out of it together. He's always been there for me and I hope I have been there for him when he needed me. 

But our friendship started on a very shaky note. His breakup, my rejection, his family, my 'friends'. It was crazy. But somehow we ended up being there for each other. We were never physically present for the other but virtually via emails, messages, skype calls we were always there. And that's what has made us so strong. Distance was our friend not foe. 

It was all great until I took up a liking for him. Probably one of the worst decisions I have made in my life. Not because he was douchebag... well, I was one. I had put a stupid crush over my friendship with him. A friendship that meant our entire world to both of us. I didn't realise what i was doing but he did. And boy, he was brilliant. 

The way he tackled it, the way he sustained all my tantrums and drama - and the way he nailed it in my head that we were more important to each other than being in a stupid relationship. Now when I look back and think about it had it not been for his maturity and sensible thinking, I would have lost the best thing that has happened in my life. I would have lost a great friend. 

The beauty of being us is that even we don't know what we are. No we are not JUST friends... but we are not lovers. We have reached a tangent of love for each other that none of it matters anymore. I love him to the moon and back and i would do anything in my power if he was in trouble. We talk once a week I guess...but when we do, it's like the world is our kingdom...

He is my best friend, he is my soulmate, he is my guardian angel and the best part of it all... he's himself. 

Love you D. 

Adopted Parents :D

This is a pictorial representation of me and my adopted parents. The just adopted themselves as my parents. And I've always been a daddy's girl ;)

I have no complaints. They are the cutest people on this earth. 

And SO AM I. 

Missing You.

What is it that people mean when they say that they 'miss' someone?

Is it the fact they aren't physically together? Or that they aren't talking to each other? Or that their mental wavelengths don't meet anymore? or something else?

I miss my dog... well, i miss his cuddles and his licks all over my face. I miss his expressions

I miss my mom... I miss fighting with her.

I miss my dad... I miss just being able to talk to him face to face, or just tickle him

I miss my brother... I miss disagreeing with him on the smallest things and i miss hitting him randomly.

But when it comes to you... I don't really know what I miss about you.

It's barely mean a month or two since I have even begun talking to you.
Yet, it seems like you know me, you understand me and you feel me.
You know it when i am sad, when i am hungry, when i am not well and when i am cheerful, when i am mad, when i am angry and when i am anything else.

I think I know you well too, but you're too complicated for me. Very very complicated. It's like that mystery that doesn't reach it's end. A maze that never ends.

I was physically away from you for two and a half days to be precise. and i dont know if i'd be lying if i said I missed you.

You were there with me throughout. In my thoughts. I never spared a moment apart from sleeping - I was texting you. I spoke to you on the phone for an hour each night.

Yet, I had that nagging feeling that urged me to say that I 'missed you'... What is that supposed to mean?

It's not like we are at a level in "whatever" we are... where we need to be physically together, because even while we are together, we talk. So what was it that I was missing?

Was it a part of you that I was missing or was it a part of me...that seems to have become a part of you?

Nightmares Of My Middle School

Most of us have good memories of middle school. Ones we want to cherish forever. Well, some of us don't. I don't.

But I am glad it happened, because it made me a stronger person. It has made me what I am today. A lot more has happened, much more than I can muster up courage to actually write because writing it means reliving it. But all of it has made me realise my own worth, the importance of self-believe and self esteem. It has made me realise the importance of having the 'right' people in my life because no real friend would have done that to me. And this is why I chose to share it. Because once it's out in the whole wide world, it's not only my secret anymore. It's a story. I guess it's time I shared it and got over it.

I cried through each grade of 6th grade because a certain guy, let's call him M, turned all my friends against me and the entire class expressed that sentiment in a game of 'Fishpond.' This game is where every person in the group of people playing takes a chit of paper and writes 1 name of a person they like from that group and 1 person they hate. I faced humiliation because every single person in 6th grade (except me) wrote that they hated me.

I still remember that day like it happened yesterday. It was one of my brief experiences with what we refer to today as bullying. I wasn't physically ragged but emotionally I was shattered. Imagine a 13 year old, being made to realise through her peers that none of them liked her or thought of her as a friend. Some of those 6th graders happened to be my childhood friends, people I'd literally grown up with. Let's call them P, H, U and obviously, M too.

None of them mattered as much as these people did. But these people voiced the same opinion as well.

P was one of the closest friends I'd ever had and he turned around, indulged in a wave of early teen popularity, never to look back at our friendship again.

H was my partner in everything, but all of a sudden, she had changed too. She needed some space. She didn't like me anymore.

U... well he was the silent kinds... what can I say, but I thought we had a lot in common. Perhaps not. Because I would never be such a bitch to someone I called a friend.

And then there's M, where can I even begin about him. I think I was M's entertainment, then. He found happiness in pulling my hair everyday. By pulling I do not mean casual pulling - pulling so hard that my head hurt and my skull swelled up. He stole my homework. Got me into trouble. Created misunderstandings. He found amusement every time i cried. He made it his personal mission to make my life a living hell.

My teachers thought I was overthinking it. My parents thought I was rebelling. No body wanted to believe what I had to say. My teachers said that I was good at everything I did and that's why they were jealous. My parents thought my behaviour and attitude towards things in general wasn't exactly right. Which was leading to these series of events.

Middle school was hell. Nothing has gotten worse till date and probably never will.

M, P, H and U are in touch with me even today. In fact M, P and U even did high school with me and U is in the same university as I am.

Yes they continued to do some equally disturbing things along these years as well, but they were too late. Because what they did in my middle school helped me build a defence. A mechanism of defence where nothing could affect me anymore. They killed a part of me which wanted to blindly trust and cherish people for who they are. They gave birth to a new me. A 'me' that is more careful, less trusting and absolutely emotionally stable on the outside. A 'me' that does not believe in crying often because I can only imaging M's laughter every time he made me cry.

I talk to them even today. It's surprising how people change. I wonder if they ever think about their middle school and I'd like to know what they have to say to it. But for me, they merely exist. They are still my 'friends' I guess and yes, if anything happened to them, I would still be there for them, because I believe that I want to be a better person and I choose to forgive them.

Scared but sure.

I'm just scared. Scared of losing you. Scared of what will happen next. 

But that doesn't mean I will stop you from doing the right thing. 

Yes, he may ask you to stop talking to me, or something like that... but you have to take your chance. He's your best friend after all. Friends always come first. Relationships come and go.

More than anything in this world, I'd like to be your best friend. 

Love is Friendship. 

Yes I want to you to hold me in your arms, hug me, kiss me and never let me go. but more than that I'd like for you to do what is right...What is right for you. 

No one can take that call for you... not me or not anyone else. You are the one who has to make the decision, the call. It's a decision you have to make alone. 

All this while, I will support every decision you take. even if it goes against what I want. I will respect your choice no matter what it is. 

Don't worry about me... do what's right for you. I'm happy if you're happy and you'll be special no matter what. 

You are my reformation

You make me happy beyond reason, you make me giggle, you make me smile.
You have transformed me into the person I always wanted to be.
I long to look into your eyes and tell you that I love you, but I am scared.
Scared that it's not what you want to hear right now.
You're in the phase of 'not' believing and 'not' trusting.

I like you, I really do. Don't get me wrong... but I don't know how to say it to your face...
it's the fear of denial. Fear of facing something I don't want to face right now.
REJECTION.

One thing I can assure you is that whatever this is, it's going to be long lasting.

Yes, I like the chill down my spine every time I hold your hand and I can feel my heart skip a beat every time my head is on your shoulder and your head on mine.

Nothing matters when I'm with you. Time flies. Other people blur and nothing is as important as you.

Your smile can brighten up my day and I would do anything for one glimpse of it.
You're more important to me than you can assume.

You're like the morning after the darkest hour,
like a bottle of water after a long trek
like a gust of cool wind after a hot day
like a 6 course meal after starving for 8 days
You're like the reformation after renaissance

It's just a bend... not the end.

Life gives us the biggest roller coaster rides every time. I'll make sure you enjoy each one of them.

If you are scared of heights, jump from that height... because that's the only way you'll touch the ground.

All the bumpy rides that you'll have, they'll make you fall. But you need to remember to get up each time.

And at any point in time, you feel scared... look by your side... I'll always be there

ready to tickle you and make sure you smile

Every time you cannot sleep because someone or something is bothering you... remember that there is someone who craves sleep (me). So make the best of your time and sleep because when you sleep you dream and when you dream, life is good :D

You don't trust love anymore. I'll make you believe it.

Remember, for anything and everything it's never the end... it's always a bend.

You made a choice... I love it !!

You're the most beautiful thing that has happened to me in forever. You should know that. You're the reason I picked myself back up and got on with things in my life. You're the reason I wake up to see the morning sun everyday. You're the reason I want to do better things in my life now. you're the reason I smile.

If only I were to return your favours ever, they would be in roses and chocolates and smiles and most surely my heart. Never could I dream of letting a tear drop your eye because me or be the reason for your gloom. So trust me and don't be scared. Take a deep breath and let the past go.

Enjoy the new fresh air of the newly bloomed roses because Summer is here. Days of gloom are over and there's only happiness in your life. You'll get it because that's indeed what you deserve. Most importantly I want to be the one giving it to you!

So give me that chance, let go of your fears

Jump High and Take The Next Shot :*

Hello to you too, Summer.

Whatever happens, happens for good.

I just have a stronger to reason to believe in this statement more strongly than ever.

All seemed sad and life was in gloom
While a hidden flower was yet to bloom
it was waiting for a right time
never speaking a word, forever in mime

The sun didn't smile enough
neither did the moon shine.
Or probably the moon did,
but it was for someone else all this time

Gloomy days passed and so did winter
until i found the hidden flower
the flower was as pretty as spring
and  was the perfect way to welcome summer

Winter is gone for now
and summer prevails
gone are the layers of hiding
and the skin can now be exposed

I know it will be back
But i will be ready for it
with summer by my side
because winter was my past
This summer is my present

MADY

It's funny how we can actually relate TV shows with our lives. It's as if the TV show was made for our life and to make us realise how much drama our lives actually have. For me it started with the Vampire Diaries in 2011, the Originals in 2014 and Awkward in 2015. Thanks to all the amazing friends who encourage me and get me hooked up to TV shows. :P

Something that happened yesterday just keeps ringing in my head and I must write it down to let it out. 

This is a story of 4 people - M, A, D and Y

Y liked M and D liked A. 

M and Y never dated because M was a bummer and Y a hopeless romantic

A was a bitch to D, she screwed up their relationship and eventually broke up with D. 

M and D are best friends while Y and A don't even talk to each other.

A gets closer to M while A is dating D. Y doesn't like it, neither does D. 

Y and D haven't ever spoken to each other before. 

M started ignoring Y and started spending hours and hours with A. 

A started ignoring D while they were dating and started spending time with M. 

D is really affected but doesn't say anything because he still likes A and M is his best friend. 

Y attempts to talk to D to ask about M, she is heartbroken too. 

Turns out Y and D have a lot more in common than they think they do. 

While A and M are still on their roll, Y and D get closer. 

D is sure, unlike Y, that A and M will never date because they aren't into each other.

D and Y are getting closer by the day. 

D and Y don't "like" each other.

They're just happy in each other's company. 

They both are going through the same thing, hence they understand. 

M and A both react to Y and D getting closer. 

They taunt D. D is confused, yet clear that he doesn't want them to dictate his life. 

Y is just furious and wants to confront M and A, but doesn't. She's scared of the reciprocation of D.

Y doesn't want to do anything stupid to lose D as a friend right now. 

Basically, DRAMA. 

Trust me. 

I'm Y. 

The Red Letter

I started talking to this certain person when I was a damsel in distress. He helped and was sweet. Is sweet yet. Such are times when you start believing in fate. If things are at their worst, they only get better.

Somehow both of us are facing the same problems and since we cant do anything about it, we just joke about it and laugh it off. occasionally teasing each other about it. It all started with a cute letter in a sweet red envelope randomly handed over by him to me. I still remember how he ran away the moment I asked him what it was. 

With some enthusiasm and a lot of curiosity, I opened the letter, to find one of the cutest poems I have read in my life. He asked me to smile more because the bad phase would pass. He made me feel good about myself. Something I'd forgotten to do for quite some time. 

It's special, that letter. More special than a certain birthday song that had been sung to me claiming I was special, while that person made me feel everything but special. This letter atleast wasn't based on fictitious claims and things he didn't mean. Or so I hope. I never managed to reply to that letter, but one day I'd like to. I don't know what's appropriate and what's not. Should I tell him how much that letter helped me? Or how much it makes me smile every time I read it? Should I tell him I think about that poem atleast once a day or every time I feel dejected and lost? Or should I just let it be? Will he think I am not reciprocating or not thankful if I don't reply at all? 

I am probably overthinking. But that's what I do best. Should I tell him how much the letter means to me and that I would kill to have a friend like him in my life. Should I tell him he should stay and be there because I want him to? Or because I need him to.

Should I say anything at all? 

Over worked

People always talk about being busy and having lots of work to do. We assume that they are either ignoring or trying to get themselves out of things they don't particularly want to do.

Well, one thing I have learnt after coming to college is that being BUSY can actually be a reality. At least for me, it is. It's not that the workload is too much or we have a lot of assignments or a lot on our plate for that matter. It's just the fact that we live in a social community where every one is more or less our age.

One can only imagine how messed up that can get. Imagine a 18 year old telling another 18 year old what to do. Or a 19 year old having a say in how all other 19 year olds will live in their dorm rooms. That's exactly what happens in college. And we need time to deal with these things.

I've always been a hyper active child and doing only one thing has never satisfied me. Ever.

So I wake up in the morning at around 10 or 11 am and check my phone for all the updates of what happened in my world while I was sleeping. It takes about 15-20 minutes to catch up with all the whatsapp messages, facebook statuses, snapchat stories and instagram feeds. Then, like any other normal human being, I do the daily chores. Here while I empty my abdomen off the night's  urine and shit, I fill my mind with a mental list of the things that I have to do for the day. Then, I choose what to wear and go down. Classes. Lunch. Classes. Some interaction with friends and later I go play basketball or badminton. By the time I am done, the sun has set and the moon is smiling down on me.
Dinner? No Dinner?
Depends on how my day was.
A nice hot water shower and self grooming time
A call from mom and she wants me to come on skype.

But how? I have to go meet the boy I like.

I choose.

It's mostly mom, but the boy wins sometimes too. (Hoping the other one will always understand)

I have readings then. But I still want to spend some time with the boy. But I have assignments.

I choose.

The boy it is. ALWAYS.

I'm a teenager for heaven's sake.

At 2 or 3 am I realise I need to sleep, but I have assignments to do.

I choose.

Assignment it is.

Sorry sleep.

At 5 or 6 my eyes start rebelling and they want to shut themselves.

Then I sleep.

At 10 am my alarm interrupts my beautiful dreams and the cycle goes on.


That's when I wonder, where is the time?
Trust me when I say I am busy.

Sometimes I just want to take a few days off this normal schedule. I just want to lie in bed and do nothing. I want to cuddle with a friend. Watch a few rom-coms, cry a little and just take some time off this world.

I am not busy because I have assignments, I am busy because I have a life.

This busy schedule annoys me sometimes. I want to do random things sometimes. I want solace the other times. I just feel heavily over worked.